Being a Freyswife

Here I will analyze the two key Lore stories that would most benefit me in being a good Freyswife, Skirnirsmal and the story of Gunnar Helming from Flateyjarbook.


SKIRNIRSMAL

Skirnirsmal is the one story of the Eddas that is all Frey's, rather than mentioning Him in a couple of lines.  However, even then most of the focus is taken off Frey and put on the Jotuness who is to become His wife, Gerda.  I believe this is significant for several reasons.  Adam of Bremen reports that Frey was honored by the Swedes whenever there was a wedding, and is said to give pleasure to mortals (as well as peace).  While there has been an emphasis in Heathenry on Odin and Frigga as "the old married couple", or Thor's hammer hallowing the bride's lap (which is euphemistically referring to her crotch), historically it is Frey who is associated most strongly with marriage.  That the one surviving Eddaic lay given to Him is all about His desire for marriage, should be noted as Frey being the God of love and marriage par excellence.  Ergo, when trying to understand Frey it behooves us to look at this story and see what attracts Him, and what He's willing to do to gain that which He desires.


Freyr, the son of Njorth, had sat one day in Hlithskjolf, and looked over all the worlds. He looked into Jotunheim, and saw there a fair maiden, as she went from her father's house to her bower. Forthwith he felt a mighty love-sickness.

(Hlithskjolf is the name of Odin's High Seat, and in Ynglinga Saga it is mentioned that Freyja taught seidhr to the Aesir -- which is notable for its use of a high seat -- and it was widely practiced among the Vanir.  Ergo, Frey is doing seidhr and sees Gerda, and falls privy to "love at first sight".  It could also be that in a seidhr-induced state He was able to see just beyond appearances to Her inner self, and "flashes" of a life with Her.  This is hinted at in verse 6.)

Skirnir was the name of Freyr's servant; Njorth bade him ask speech of Freyr. He said:

1. "Go now, Skirnir! | and seek to gain
Speech from my son;
And answer to win, | for whom the wise one
Is mightily moved."

Skirnir spake:
2. "Ill words do I now | await from thy son,
If I seek to get speech with him,
And answer to win, | for whom the wise one
Is mightily moved."

Skirnir spake:
3. "Speak prithee, Freyr, | foremost of the gods,
For now I fain would know;
Why sittest thou here | in the wide halls,
Days long, my prince, alone?"

Freyr spake:
4. "How shall I tell thee, | thou hero young,
Of all my grief so great?
Though every day | the elfbeam dawns,
It lights my longing never."

("The elfbeam" is a kenning for the sun, and alludes to Frey being so depressed, longing to be with the one He has fallen for, that He has "lost His light".)

Skirnir spake:
5. "Thy longings, methinks, | are not so large
That thou mayst not tell them to me;
Since in days of yore | we were young together,
We two might each other trust."

Freyr spake:
6. "From Gymir's house | I beheld go forth
A maiden dear to me;
Her arms glittered, | and from their gleam
Shone all the sea and sky.

(While some interpret this to be "the whiteness of Her arms", which rightly seems a ridiculous thing to be smitten over, see my thoughts following on what this alludes to.)

7. "To me more dear | than in days of old
Was ever maiden to man;
But no one of gods | or elves will grant
That we both together should be."

Skirnir spake:
8. "Then give me the horse | that goes through the dark
And magic flickering flames;
And the sword as well | that fights of itself
Against the giants grim."

Freyr spake:
9. "The horse will I give thee | that goes through the dark
And magic flickering flames,
And the sword as well | that will fight of itself
If a worthy hero wields it."

(It should be noted that Frey's gift of His sword to Skirnir eventually proves fatal, for should Ragnarok come true, He will have ought but an antler to fight against Surt, who will use the sword against Him.)

Skirnir spake to the horse:
10. "Dark is it without, | and I deem it time
To fare through the wild fells,
(To fare through the giants' fastness;)
We shall both come back, | or us both together
The terrible giant will take."

Skirnir rode into Jotunheim to Gymir's house. There were fierce dogs bound before the gate of the fence which was around Gerth's hall. He rode to where a herdsman sat on a hill, and said:

11. "Tell me, herdsman, | sitting on the hill,
And watching all the ways,
How may I win | a word with the maid
Past the hounds of Gymir here?"

The herdsman spake:
12. "Art thou doomed to die | or already dead,
Thou horseman that ridest hither?
Barred from speech | shalt thou ever be
With Gymir's daughter good."

Skirnir spake:
13. "Boldness is better | than plaints can be
For him whose feet must fare;
To a destined day has mine age been doomed,
And my life's span thereto laid."

Gerth spake:
14. "What noise is that which now so loud
I hear within our house?
The ground shakes, and the home of Gymir
Around me trembles too."

The Serving-Maid spake:
15. "One stands without who has leapt from his steed,
And lets his horse loose to graze;"
.    .    .    .    .        .    .    .    .    .
.    .    .    .    .    .    .    .    .    .
Gerth spake:
16. "Bid the man come in, and drink good mead
Here within our hall;
Though this I fear, that there without
My brother's slayer stands.

(Here we see that Gerda is showing hospitality to guests by offering mead, even if She is not convinced of the guest's intentions.  This shows good character on Her part, to treat Skirnir as "innocent until proven guilty", so to speak.)

17. "Art thou of the elves | or the offspring of gods,
Or of the wise Wanes?
How camst thou alone | through the leaping flame
Thus to behold our home?"

Skirnir spake:
18. "I am not of the elves, | nor the offspring of gods,
Nor of the wise Wanes;
Though I came alone | through the leaping flame
Thus to behold thy home.

19. "Eleven apples, | all of gold,
Here will I give thee, Gerth,
To buy thy troth | that Freyr shall be
Deemed to be dearest to you."

Gerth spake:
20. "I will not take | at any man's wish
These eleven apples ever;
Nor shall Freyr and I | one dwelling find
So long as we two live."

Skirnir spake:
21. "Then do I bring thee | the ring that was burned
Of old with Othin's son;
From it do eight | of like weight fall
On every ninth night."

Gerth spake:
22. "The ring I wish not, | though burned it was
Of old with Othin's son;
In Gymir's home | is no lack of gold
In the wealth my father wields."

(We can see that Frey somehow managed to procure Idunna's apples that keep the Gods healthy and strong, as well as Odin's ring Draupnir which was burned on the pyre with Baldur, so He could have a bride-price to take with Skirnir.  Frey definitely thought well enough of Gerda to offer these fine gifts for Her hand, which were spurned as Gerda is not won so easily, perhaps seeing Herself as being worth more than golden apples or a gold ring.  Contrast this directly with Freyja, who had sex with four dwarves to gain the golden Brisingamen.)

Skirnir spake:
23. "Seest thou, maiden, | this keen, bright sword
That I hold here in my hand?
Thy head from thy neck | shall I straightway hew,
If thou wilt not do my will."

Gerth spake:
24. "For no man's sake | will I ever suffer
To be thus moved by might;
But gladly, methinks, | will Gymir seek
To fight if he finds thee here."

(I feel that Gerda's stubborness and refusing to "sell out" is one of the qualities that endears Her to Frey, as well as not being intimidated by threats of physical violence.)

Skirnir spake:
25. "Seest thou, maiden, | this keen, bright sword
That I hold here in my hand?
Before its blade the | old giant bends,--
Thy father is doomed to die.

26. "I strike thee, maid, | with my magic staff,
To tame thee to work my will;
There shalt thou go | where never again
The sons of men shall see thee.

27. "On the eagle's hill | shalt thou ever sit,
And gaze on the gates of Hel;
More loathsome to thee | than the light-hued snake
To men, shall thy meat become.

28. "Fearful to see, | if thou comest forth,
Hrimnir will stand and stare,
(Men will marvel at thee;)
More famed shalt thou grow | than the watchman of the gods!
Peer forth, then, from thy prison,

29. "Rage and longing, | fetters and wrath,
Tears and torment are thine;
Where thou sittest down | my doom is on thee
Of heavy heart
And double dole.

30. "In the giants' home | shall vile things harm thee
Each day with evil deeds;
Grief shalt thou get | instead of gladness,
And sorrow to suffer with tears.

31. "With three-headed giants | thou shalt dwell ever,
Or never know a husband;
(Let longing grip thee, | let wasting waste thee,--)
Be like to the thistle | that in the loft
Was cast and there was crushed.

32. "I go to the wood, | and to the wet forest,
To win a magic wand;
.    .    .    .    .        .    .    .    .    .
I won a magic wand.

33. "Othin grows angry, | angered is the best of the gods,
Freyr shall be thy foe,
Most evil maid, | who the magic wrath
Of gods hast got for thyself.

34. "Give heed, frost-rulers, | hear it, giants.
Sons of Suttung,
And gods, ye too,
How I forbid | and how I ban
The meeting of men with the maid,
(The joy of men with the maid.)

[35. "Hrimgrimnir is he, | the giant who shall have thee
In the depth by the doors of Hel;
To the frost-giants' halls | each day shalt thou fare,
Crawling and craving in vain,
(Crawling and having no hope.)

36. "Base wretches there | by the root of the tree
Will hold for thee horns of filth;
A fairer drink | shalt thou never find,
Maid, to meet thy wish,
(Maid, to meet my wish.)

37. "I write thee a charm | and three runes therewith,
Longing and madness and lust;
But what I have writ | I may yet unwrite
If I find a need therefor."

(As we can see Skirnir is skilled with runes and is not above threatening Gerda with curses to get Her to comply with marrying Frey.  However I feel this was less Frey's intent and more Skirnir's frustration and feeling insulted.)


Gerth spake:
38. "Find welcome rather, | and with it take
The frost-cup filled with mead;
Though I did not believe | that I should so love
Ever one of the Wanes."

(The most common interpretation of Gerda's "giving in" is seeing an unhappy life without Frey, and is thus translated into a plough getting the frozen earth to yield.  However, I see it as deeper -- I feel that Gerda "gave in" as to not start a war between Her family and Skirnir, as Her family would definitely rise to protect Her from Skirnir's magick.  She may also have been impressed by the force, truthfully, as She is a fierce Jotun after all and Jotnar are more respectful of assertive and even aggressive force than passive fear.)

Skirnir spake:
39. "My tidings all | must I truly learn
Ere homeward hence I ride:How soon thou wilt | with the mighty son
Of Njorth a meeting make."

Gerth spake:
40. Barri there is, | which we both know well,
A forest fair and still;
And nine nights hence | to the son of Njorth
Will Gerth there grant delight."

Then Skirnir rode home. Freyr stood without, and spoke to him, and asked for tidings:

41. "Tell me, Skimir, | ere thou take off the saddle,
Or farest forward a step:
What hast thou done | in the giants' dwelling
To make glad thee or me?"

Skirnir spoke:
42. "Barri there is, | which we both know well,
A forest fair and still;
And nine nights hence | to the son of Njorth
Will Gerth there grant delight."

Freyr spake:
43. "Long is one night, | longer are two;
How then shall I bear three?
Often to me | has a month seemed less
Than now half a night of desire."

(The number nine, the most sacred number in the Northern Tradition, is the amount of days elapsing between Skirnir's return and Frey and Gerda's meeting in the field of Barri.  This can be seen as somewhat parallel with Odin's nine-day hang on Yggdrasil -- while Odin's ordeal involved physical anguish, Frey is likely in emotional anguish, or at least anxiety with readying Himself.)


In sum we can see that Frey saw Gerda's essence and fell in love with Her.  There is no mention of Her face, or the shape of Her figure.  The two things ever recorded about Her appearance is light and Her arms.  The light is, I believe, the nature of what is inside Her, and Her arms are good for carrying and holding.  Gerda becomes Frey's strength, His comfort, and His light.

In desperation to have Her, Frey resorted to desperate measures, including trying to give away two of the most costly items in the Nine Worlds, and losing His sword in the process which I feel is symbolic of officially "trucing" with the Jotnar -- knowing full well what it will cost Him, and still being ready to give it, and thus not use it against Gerda's people in the end.

Gerda shows Herself to be strong-willed, which is another quality Frey finds attractive -- to hold firmly to one's principles rather than being easily sold.  In fact this could be said as the most attractive quality of Gerda's person.  Integrity has always been hard to come by, it's said that "everyone has a price" and for the most part this is true.  However Gerda refused to be "paid off", and this most likely translates into a steadfast loyalty to Frey, that cannot be broken even when the majority of His human "friends" see fit to ignore and even insult Her.

There is nothing surviving of what happened after the end of Skirnirsmal, however we can assume that as there is no mention in the Lore of Gerda divorcing Frey -- and the option is certainly there, for Her cousin Skadhi was the one to divorce Njord -- She stayed with Him, and I doubt She'd allow anyone to "force" Her.  Therefore we "know" that Gerda has remained with Frey after Their meeting in Barri, and I don't think, logically speaking, Her heart would remain cold to Frey's passionate love for Her, nor would Her body be left unsatisfied by His gorgeous cock.  I "know" from having spoken with Gerda myself that She and Frey are very much together and very much in love.  Other people have encountered Frey and Gerda in a very personal way and can vouch for this as well.  I don't know why a Being who loves Frey, who gives comfort and support necessary to His Godship, would not  worthy of worship in Her own right.  Gerda's love of Frey is necessary for Him to keep giving His light, His vitality that gives life to the Worlds.  Frey loves Gerda for the light She possesses within Herself, that made "all the sea and sky" light up with Her radiance.

There are some who write this story off as a seasonal myth, or of the masculine connecting with the inner feminine.  I believe both are accurate, but do not present the whole picture.  Sure, Frey's marriage to a Jotun, which was legally binding and consummated, is the God of agriculture wedding a Goddess who is imbued with the power of the Earth.  I do think there are elements of a fertility rite: a Vanir wedding a Jotun, and thus "plowing the field", sowing seed.  Anyone who has any knowledge of agriculture will tell you soil conditions must be right to grow crops.  I also believe it is good for people to find love, and build lasting relationships, and "people" extends to Gods.  Gods need love too, and Skirnir's threatened curse of Gerda was to let Her know that denying Frey would be denying the pleasure and joy found in a full life.  To deny what Frey represents is to cut yourself off from being fully alive.

In terms of agriculture and nature itself, Gerda and Frey are a nice complement to each other.  Frey is a farming God, and we can tell Gerda is a garden Goddess not just from people's UPG, but the etymology of Gerda's name comes from Proto-Germanic: *garda-z, *gardi-z, *gird¡; *gurdian- vb., *gurda-z, *gurdila-z, -¡  Incidentally, in Old English (as I am predominantly focused on the Anglo-Saxon side of Nordic Paganism), the name is rendered as geard, -es m. `inclosure, inclosed place, yard, garden, court, dwelling, home, region, land'.  And once again, we see another reason for Frey's desire: contrast with His sister Freyja, who is very showy and loves flowers, Gerda is Goddess of the walled garden, and finds beauty in the subtlety of herbs.  By the standards of human personality, we could say that Freyja is an extrovert, and Gerda, spending much of Her time within walls and around plants, is an introvert.  It takes someone quiet and introverted to be the "strong silent type" Frey needs as a support.

I also think there are deeper elements to the story.  Frey's intermarriage with a Jotun is building a "bridge" to remind everyone of where they came from, and how it's helped them to get to the next level.  It also serves as an example of frith-building.  Frey is a Vanir, hostaged to the Aesir, ruler of Ljossalfheim, given gifts made by Duergar.  By His marriage to a Jotuness, He is connecting to all races as an example of not just tolerance, but acceptance.

One last note is that Frey and Gerda are never mentioned as having children.  In Ynglinga Saga They are said to have a child named Fjolnir, but this is a human king of Sweden, and as the Gods are known to foster humans (e.g. Grimnirsmal), this is most likely someone They adopted, not an actual pregnancy and birth.  I feel that by not having children, They are able to enjoy each other, and have time together that would otherwise be spent focusing on child-rearing.  When They appear to Their worshippers, including myself, They are often in "eternal honeymoon" mode, and can be seen as an example for couples who want to keep the love and passion alive between them, and not get into the "old married couple" routine.  I know this has certainly helped both in my relationship with Frey, as well as my relationship with my mortal partner.



THE GUNNAR HELMING STORY

OLAF TRYGGVASON'S SAGA ON FREYR (Flateyjarbook II., 337)
Norwegian Gunnar Helming was suspected of having committed a murder. For fear of King Olaf he fled to Sweden. There happened to be great sacrifices in the honour of Freyr, and his idol had such a power that the devil spoke through it, and it had been given a young wife. People believed that they could have sexual intercourse. Freyr's wife was pretty, and she had the dominion over the temple.

It appears that Frey was either given a wife, or had chosen her -- in the context of Skirnirsmal, it is likely that Frey chose this wife and she became aware of the need to marry Him through dreams, visions, prophecies, and the like.  As far as Frey's wife being pretty, I believe that He is symbolically wedding the Earth through one of its people, and thus His wife would have to be representative of the fertility and bounty of the Earth -- reasonably attractive, most likely curvaceous (large hips and breasts).  That she had "dominion of the temple" does not necessarily mean serving other people, it was most likely a case of service directly to Frey Himself, through communing with Him and offering to Him there, living in a constant state of devotion (for example, similarly to the priestesses of Brighid who tended Her sacred flame).  It may probably have been because she was in direct contact with Frey 24/7 and intensely devoted to Him, that she was able to convey His blessings and messages to others at the annual procession (see below).


Gunnar asked her for shelter. She answered: "You are not fortunate, for Freyr does not like you. Nevertheless, stay here for three nights, and we may see." He said: "I like better to be helped by you than by Freyr." Gunnar was a very jolly and cheerful person. After three nights he asked whether he might stay there any longer. "I do not know exactly," said she. "You are a poor fellow, and still, as it seems, of good extraction, I should like to help you, only I am afraid that Freyr hates you. Still, remain here half a month, and we may again see." . Gunnar pleased the Swedes well because of his cheerfulness and smartness. After some time, he talked again with Freyr's wife. She said: " People like you well, and I think it is better you stay her this winter and accompany us when Freyr makes his annual journey. But I must tell you that he is still angry with you." Gunnar thanked her well.

I do not feel that this in and of itself is Frey refusing His wife human (and especially masculine) companionship, I do rather think that Frey didn't like Gunnar Helming as an individual.  He was a murderer and an outlaw, and Frey does not hold with this.  In Viga-Glum's Saga it is explicitly mentioned that Frey does not allow outlaws to live on His hallowed land (a large reason why Glum increasingly angered Frey).  So rather than it being anyone and everyone who was denied shelter and succor with Frey's wife, it was the nature of Gunnar himself, being a dishonorable person, a "nithing" if you will.

However, even though Gunnar is clearly dishonorable, Frey's wife in this story also turned out to not be so honorable, if not unworthy of Frey.  Frey made it clear that He didn't want Gunnar Helming around His wife, much less being given shelter and succor by her, and that she was not able to resist Gunnar's requests, and took him in rather than heeding what Frey wants, was where things went wrong.  Frey only spoke to protect His wife and the sanctity of that relationship and her service, and by not listening to Him, it did more harm than good in the long run (see my final comments below).  She should have realized that to let him travel with her on the procession was going to cause problems.  Ergo, she is ultimately the one at fault here, and this needs to be an example for all God-spouses of "what not to do".  If your God-Husband doesn't want you doing something, there's probably a good reason for it.



Now the festival time came, and the procession started.

You will note this is only annual.  In terms of her being a priestess, or Gydhia if you will, it seems that her only obligation to the public was to come out once a year in the wain and bring Frey to the people, so they could celebrate Him and receive His blessings.  Other than that the story does not speak of her holding regular public rituals or giving counsel to others, etc.  It seems her only purpose is to tend directly to Frey's needs and to, once a year, let the people touch Him, through her.



Freyr and his wife were placed in the carriage, whereas their servants and Gunnar had to walk beside. When driving through the mountains, they were surprised by a tempest and all the servants fled. Gunnar remained. At last he got tired of walking, went into the carriage and let the draught_cattle go as they liked. Freyr's wife said: "You had better try and walk again, for otherwise Freyr will arise against you." Gunnar did so, but when he got too tired, he said: "Anyhow, let him come, I will stand against him." Now Freyr arises, and they wrestle till Gunnar notices that he is getting weaker. Then he thinks by himself that if he overcomes this load Foe he will return to the right faith and be reconciled with King Olaf. And immediately after Freyr begins to give way, and afterwards to sink. Now this Foe leaps out of the idol, and it lay there empty. Gunnar broke it into pieces and gave Freyr's wife two alternatives: that he would leave, or that she might declare him publicly to be the god Freyr. She said that she would willingly declare what he liked.

We see in this last sentence that Frey's wife has completely abandoned Him, which seems to be a natural progression from her ignoring the fact that Frey didn't want Gunnar Helming anywhere near her in the first place.  It is likely that she may have been lonely for human companionship, and it may even be that she became bitter and angry towards Frey and decided this would be her way out.


Now Gunnar dressed in Freyr's clothes, the weather improved and they went to the festival. People were very much impressed by the power of Freyr, because he was able to visit the country in such a tempest, allthough all the servants had fled. They wondered how he went about among them and talked like other men. Thus Freyr and his wife spent the winter going to festivals. Freyr was not more eloquent towards people than his wife, and he would not receive living victims, as before, and no offerings except gold, silk, and good clothings. Alter months, people began to notice that Freyr's wife was gravid. They thought it splendid, and many expected great wonders of their god Freyr. Also the weather was fine, and it looked like such a harvest as nobody remembered to have seen before.

This, of course, is blasphemous.  Even though it seems that people are giving Frey more honor, the truth is that this man, this outlaw, is being given the honor and the offerings and using them for himself in full knowledge that he is ridiculing Frey.


The rumours of Freyr's power were reported to Norway, and also brought before King Olaf. He had some suspicion of the truth and asked Gunnar's brother Sigurd what he knew about the exiled. Sigurd knew of nothing. The King said : "I believe this mighty god of the Swedes, who is so famous in all countries, is no other person than your brother Gunnar. For otherwise, those are the greatest where living men, are slaughtered. . . . . Now I send you to Sweden, for it is terrible to know that a Christian man's soul should be situated thus. I shall give up my wrath, if he comes voluntarily, for now I know that he has not committed the murder.”Sigurd immediately went to Sweden and brought his brother these news. Gunnar answered : “Certainly might I willingly go back; but if the Swedes discover the truth, they will kill me.” Sigurd said: "We shall secretly carry you away, and be sure that King Olaf's good fortune God's mercy is more powerful than the Swedes." Now Gunnar and his wife prepare their flight, taking with them as many goods as they were able to carry. The Swedes went in pursuit of them, but lost the trace and did not find them. So Gunnar and his people arrived in Norway and went to King Olaf, who received them well and made him his wife to be baptized.

This last sentence is significant.  The Norse and the Celts probably had the most woman-positive pre-Christian cultures, and even during conversion-era Scandinavia the Norse women still held onto many rights.  For a Norse woman to convert to Christianity meant giving most of her rights up and becoming chattel.  In a way this is a fitting end -- this woman most likely wielded a lot of power, influence, and authority to be a mortal-wife of a Deity, and would now not only give all of that up but be subjugated in living with a murderer, and one with "Christian values" (see also 1 Peter 3:1-7, Ephesians 5:22-23, 33).  I don't doubt that things did not go well for her in that marriage, and that life with Frey would have been far more rewarding.

So, what does this mean for me, in my own marriage to Frey?


-I feel that if left to my own volition, I would not have chosen this path for myself.  I would have most likely oathed myself to Odin.  I still don't claim to know why Frey made Himself known to me in the way that He did, and why He had me marry Him.  However, a few things of note: I am a large woman, I have very wide hips, large breasts, something of a Venus-of-Willendorf figure.  People have said I have a cute face, pretty eyes, nice hair, etc.  I also have noted that things that have happened to my health are symbolic of what is currently happening to the Earth, and as I gradually heal by working a more natural lifestyle (e.g. eating organically, gardening, nature walks), so the Earth can also heal.

-Frey does not have a problem with me having a partner but *He* did the arrangement of that.  He's made other suitors disappear from my life, often "outing" them as being dishonorable if not criminal.  He is particular about who I am with, and my partner happens to be a Freysman and has no desire to detract from my relationship and service to Him.

-Frey has called me His Gydhia and His priestess, and because of my Asatru conditioning I thought that meant I had to go through one of the "pre-approved" clergy organizational programs, start a Kindred, and be Priestess to the Masses.  I have been finding out as of late that the word doesn't mean what I think it means.  Just as Frey's historic wife mostly served Him directly and developed a very intense relationship with Him so she could do that procession once a year and allow people to be blessed by Him, through her, I feel this is very much the path He has put me on, and my attempts to organize things from pre-supposed ideas have invariably met with failure... it's not what He wants.  As controversial as it is to say that, it's not what He wants from me, in my duties as His wife and His priestess.  He thinks I can do better focusing on Him, tending to Him, offering to Him, and letting people come to me rather than going to them, except once a year when the veil between our world and Vanaheim is at its thinnest, and He is able to reach the people most fully.

You will also note that the procession went through all of Sweden, and to all the people of Sweden.  It did not say people had to meet prerequisite X, whether they had "right belief" or necessarily had Frey as a patron or were even ethnically Swedish.  I don't doubt there were people who had ties with different Deities, or perhaps were "heretical" by today's Heathen standards, or people from outside the culture who were travelling or had been adopted in somehow, and all got to touch Frey and partake of His blessings.

-To abandon Frey would cause Him pain, and I wouldn't want to do that because I love Him.  Beyond that, I would also deserve whatever I got -- Frey has taken a risk by opening Himself to me, sharing a more intimate side of His Person.  For me to throw that back in His face, I would deserve to lose the benefits He's given me over the years, which has been quite a lot.


Ultimately, I feel that though others may think I'm trying to be special and may wonder what Frey wants with me, it's not their judgment call to make, and it's been said "to whom much is given, much is expected".  As wonderful as it is to be Frey's wife, it has not been without sacrifice.  My life is not my own, I cannot make any major decision regarding my life without consulting Frey.  There has been a lot of restrictions on my life as far as partners, friends, employment, and now even religious communities, and the more resistance I put up the harder it is.  I know that Frey loves me, and He is not cruel.  If He forbids something, or takes something away, He usually has a damn good reason for doing so.  Moreover, my relationship with Him is not for nothing.  I am not married to Frey just to be some kind of expensive furniture that is a status symbol for my so-called co-religionists.  I have duties that come with this marriage, some of which are already known to me, some of which I'm working out.  Considering that I've only been wed to Frey four years, I don't expect to have it all together, and neither does He.  But even now I have things I am supposed to do for Him and for those people He cares about, no matter what their identifiers and affiliations are -- all who reach out to Him, receive something in return.  He is generous, and compassionate.

The story of Gunnar Helming has taught me that to neglect Frey and abuse my authority given me as His wife -- not of my own "super speshul magyck powahs" -- is to have it taken away at the end, and not because He is cruel, but that is how it is, just as it would be with a human relationship, except that Frey being a Deity is "more human than human".  I do not want to cause Him pain, so I try to be mindful of what would please Him, especially as far as the concept of service.  I don't see my title as being His spouse as some honorary label that allows me to treat others like crud.  It is, rather, serving those who would want more of Frey in their lives, and I've realized that not everyone within Heathenry really wants that or accepts that, whereas there are many Wiccans and other Pagan-sorts who do.  Fitting, considering Frey's high emphasis on frith.

Your mileage may vary, largely depending on what Deity you belong to, and what Their agenda is, and how They can work that agenda through you.  I am not saying that we are not loved by the Deities we marry, but it is a path of service, and the duties involved should be seen as an honor rather than an intolerable burden.

In closing, I share with you a song that seemed to come on the radio a lot during the time Frey introduced Himself to me and made His intentions known, which I feel in hindsight was not terribly coincidental:

 I see you in a lonely place
How can you be so blind
You're still regretting
The love you left, left behind
Oh darling

I've seen you go through the changes
Sitting alone each night
Are you expecting to find the love
Love that's right

Darling open your eyes
Let me show you the light
Girl you'll never find a love that's right

Darling open your eyes
Let me show you the light
Girl you think you're so wise
You're so wise

There are times
When you'll need someone
I will be by your side
I take my chances
Before they pass, pass me by
Oh darling

There is a light that shines
Special for you and me
You need a look at the other side
You'll agree

Darling open your eyes
Let me show you the light
You may never find a love that's right

"Open Your Eyes", Bobby Caldwell


(C) 2008 Sigrun Freyskona.