Gerda's Blessings In My Life

I took an oath to Gerda on December 23, 2007, during the Yuletide, as my patron Goddess.  This was not something entered into lightly: I had been working with Her intensively for slightly less than a year, and I asked Her beforehand if this was something She wanted from me.  She let me know that it was, but that oath would come with a geas, which is "woo-speak" for a condition, usually forbidding or compelling someone to do very specific actions, rather like a taboo.  The geas that Gerda made of me to have Her as a patron was loyalty to the Jotnar.  I am expressly forbidden to join any group or organization that not only will not welcome Gerda, but will also shun and revile Her Jotun kin.  This of course includes, by extension, Ran and Aegir's daughters, and Loki's family, who are seen as not worthy of worship by most Heathens.  Since my "Heathen career" had already been taking a tailspin, I accepted this geas and made my oath.  What I did not realize was how extensive the geas was. 

I am also realizing that unfriendly attitudes towards etins, based on etins being etins, usually comes hand in hand with racism, homophobia/transphobia, or some other kind of -ism or -phobia, that encourages people to be nasty to each other on the basis of things that cannot be changed, rather than deeds themselves.  There are a number of people I do not like, and a diverse assortment of such.  However, I see it as pointless to dislike and avoid people on the basis of anything other than deeds.  And so my geas to Gerda's kin has extended to those humans who most Heathens would also disapprove of, the "not genetically pure Germanic", or the queer, the disabled, the poor, etc.

I personally believe Gerda is one and the same as Þorgerðr Hölgabrúðr, sister of Irpa, a Goddess mentioned in three different Sagas who is called upon for protection, and appears in giantess/troll form, scaring away those who would attack Her devotee.  "Thor" is closely related to the word "thurse" and in this instance would mean "Thurse-Gerda" or "Giant-Gerda", which, of course, Gerda is a giant and not one to be trifled with!  :)  I imagine that there was a cultus of mountain Jotnar in Halogaland (incidentally, one of my ancestral homelands), where Gerda and Her extended family were worshipped in antiquity.  H.R. Ellis Davidson mentions that Olaf I of Norway dragged out an image of Thorgerdr after Haakon's death and had it burned next to an image of Frey, which would definitely support the worship of Thorgerdr as Gerda's cultus in Heathen times.

In getting to know Gerda, I have found Her to be appreciative of my loyalty, and She has shown me a loyalty of Her own.  I don't feel like I'm in competition with Her for Frey's affections.  For one thing, there is more than enough of Him to go around.  Seriously, I feel that as I am a human wed to a Deity, my love for Frey can only extend so far, and I don't begrudge Him Gerda's love.  I see it as necessary.  I have come to love Gerda and call Her my "sister-wife".  I have had some valuable visions about Her relationship with Frey, most of which I am under a "gag order" not to speak of because She is a very private Goddess.  Gerda's quiet is not so much based in shyness as it is in dignity: She feels that only fools talk to hear themselves talk, and that words should be reserved for something of meaning.  Much more can be conveyed in body language, or a touch, or just noticing something, than actually speaking.  Gerda's modesty in attire is also based in Her attitude that there is more to Her than Her body, there is a mind full of wisdom that should be known and explored... and then only for those who are worthy.

Frey's vision on Hlidskjalf, Odin's High Seat, was of the light within Her soul, Her essence being almost blinding in its brightness, and Frey knowing that He had to have it, that She would complete Him -- and Their entire exchange of love is based on an exchange of light and darkness.  Frey is a Light-Bringer, and filled with light of His own.  But He needs a continual source, and Gerda is His light (rather like Sigyn is the innocent joy to Loki that inspires His humor and playfulness), Her support of Him in Her quiet dignity, with meaningful words and even more meaningful touch, is what keeps Frey going.  On those rare instances that Her calm cool exterior is broken to flash a smile or break out in wild laughter, Frey feels most alive, and is able to take the love between Them and give it to the committed lovers of Midgard.  Gerda also sees the moments that very few humans are ever able to see: Frey filled with pain, weeping, seeing the struggles of people in Midgard, and the senseless wars between the Jotnar and Aesir.  Frey wants so very badly for everyone to have a good quality of life, and He takes it personally if there is suffering.  Gerda's embrace gives Him solace, and gives Him the darkness He needs for His light to rest and regenerate.

When Frey gave His sword to Gerda's family, both were aware of the costs involved: that if it should come to Ragnarok, the lines are already drawn and Frey will not survive.  However, They also understand Ragnarok to be just a prophecy, and the course can change.  Frey giving up His sword was the manifestation of the desire to, on His part, end the fighting and hostilities between the Jotnar and Aesir, and try to weave frith between the two tribes, rather than continue the fighting.  And so Frey tries to teach the people of Midgard about tolerance and acceptance, and Gerda does for those few who actually pay Her any heed in the 21st century, when Heathenry has gone largely the way of fundamentalism and Gerda is seen by most Heathen groups as "the hostile etin bride of Frey" and not worthy of a hail in Blot.  Some groups may honor Gerda and Frey's courtship around the time of the Charming of the Plow, but many groups are influenced by Rydberg's view that Gerda "bewitched" Frey with "evil seidhr" and the two would find this to be hilarious if it were not such a widespread belief among Heathens.

I feel that it is impossible to honor Frey without understanding the Goddess who owns His heart, who compelled Him to "sell out" the fate of the Aesir by giving up the most powerful sword in the Nine Worlds.  And Gerda is not easy to get to know, not in small part due to the hostility shown Her by Heathens.  She's proud enough that She will not go where She is not welcome, and quite a few Heathens who would honor Frey and scorn Gerda seem, as I have personally witnessed, to have troubles enough in their marriages and with their homes after awhile.  However, even once you get your mind around the concept that Jotun does not necessarily mean evil, Gerda is reserved, again out of dignity.  It took me months to start having conversations with Gerda and even then She is not exactly verbose.

She has taught me a bit about working with plant spirits, and the act of working the soil to be a grounding experience, and noticing the subtle growth of herbs and other garden plants as a mindfulness exercise.  To notice the small details is to notice the health and well-being of a person or situation, when so many are focused on the bigger picture and their castles may fall apart due to the weakness of a few bricks.  I have had visions of Gerda being something akin to the archetypal hedgewitch, working in Her enclosed garden, communing with the plant spirits, singing to them, and being rather solitary -- and fond of being solitary -- but open to those who could earn Her trust with these secrets.  In a way, Gerda's solitary and wise connection to the Green World is what inspires me to call myself a hedgewitch.  That, and some quirks of my personality and life situation.

(C) 2008 Sigrun Freyskona.


Illustration: "The Day Dream", Dante Gabriel Rossetti.


Please visit my virtual shrine to Gerda!