How I Experience the Gods

In my article on UPG, I talked a bit about why UPG is important and should not be immediately dismissed, as it often is in some reconstructionist paradigms.  This article discusses why I have such an open mind about UPG, yet am still reasonably cautious with the UPGs of others, mainly because much of my spiritual experience is UPG.

I have a fairly good grounding in the Lore of the Northern Tradition.  I'm something of a pedant about history, so besides the usual texts, such as the Poetic and Prose Edda, and Icelandic Sagas, I try to look at archaeological evidence from Northern Europe, as well as the anthropology of the likely progression of Northern civilization.  Just based on my understanding of European history, I believe there is strong evidence for a Vanic cultus, dominating the previous Jotun cultus, and before the Aesir came to prominence.

Even without that, though, there is the issue of the Gods talking to me.  It wasn't until I began to associate with other Pagans and Heathens that I stopped assuming everyone shared the same experience, and it confused me that the Gods would communicate with me in a very obvious way and not with others.  For discussing these things, many thought I wanted to be "speshul", but it wasn't like that at all.  Soon, though, I learned to keep my mouth shut unless something really confused me or was important, and after awhile I even stopped talking about that.

Having since then met some mystically-inclined types, I have corroboration for the way I experience the Gods as well as things They have revealed to me.  At the same time, I don't think I'm "superior" to those who can't/won't hear the Gods and have an "ordinary" kind of spirituality.  One of the main reasons why I avoid the label of "spirit-worker" for myself, these days, is because apart from the woo-woo, I am pretty "ordinary" myself.  That being said, the woo-woo still happens.

Most of my communion with the Gods is non-verbal.  I am a visual thinker, and communicating verbally actually seems "forced" to me.  I've learned to adapt with using text, but am not so good about speech.  While I am good with using text to convey opinions or ideas, I am not so good at using text to describe experiences or feelings, and it becomes very difficult to use text to describe visual/tactile, non-verbal communication with the Gods.  That being said, I've found I've had to record my experiences somehow, and one of the reasons why I keep a LiveJournal is to take note of these experiences as well as get feedback from those who are like minded yet still impartial.

Also, not all of my communication with the Gods is non-verbal.  Sometimes, They will speak, although I've found They only do this if They want me to have no mistake about what is being said (as in, a Job to do), or to pass the message to others.

My communion with the Gods seems to be specific incidences that fall into one of six categories:


1. MEDITATIVE VISION

This typically happens when I am meditating, whether with music or without, with use of prayer beads or without.  During this time a Deity, usually Frey, will manifest.  Both myself and my partner have experienced His presence as being very warm, with the room getting strangely brighter, and the air feeling like it is gently throbbing or humming.  (This seems to be in direct opposite to the way Hela manifests, with the room getting colder, darker, and smelling faintly of rot.)  Most of my meditative experiences with Frey are visual and tactile, with either no verbalization or very little.  I literally feel His embrace and His touch.  Sometimes He will show me things, including projects He wants me to work on, or highly symbolic imagery (landscapes, plant and animal life).

To a lesser degree, if I am doing an activity where it's easy to achieve a meditative state, usually through doing highly repetitive motions (doing dishes, for example, or beading), I find that I will be "observed" and if I press the issue, I will usually get visual communication, sometimes a brief conversation.  Thus far, everything I receive makes sense, and is not just random bursts of noise (as experienced by someone with schizophrenic symptoms).


2. PRECOGNITIVE DREAM

The most clear and direct line of the Gods verbally communicating with me, happens when I am asleep.  I cannot count how many times I have woken up between 3-4 AM with Their words running through the back of my mind, demanding to be written down for future reference.

Almost every time They have done this, Their words have been advising me of future events.  The first time I recall this happening was back in January of 2000 when I had a dream about an open-air temple -- a shrine in a stone circle -- and Odin appeared in a blue flame and told me, "It is my will for you to go to a new land."  I didn't understand what He meant, and when I asked Him, He kept telling me "Southwest".  (Sure enough, 6 years later, I moved from the Northeast to the Southwestern US.)

As a continuation of that theme, on Christmas Day 2005, I was feeling really burned out after some experiences I'd had.  I felt like I let down my Gods, among other things.  That night I dreamed of ascending steps, and at the top awaited Frey and Freyja, who told me within a year's time I would be living in a different part of the country with my life-partner, and after that I would be writing some things to "feed the people".  I was told I would find a religious community eventually, and it would be rewarding but also inspire fear and even hatred in some others, and I had to stay strong.  'Nuff said there...

I've also had dreams that are not so much precognitive but have told me things I've needed to know, such as having recurring dreams where I wind up in the Iron Wood and am "trained" by Angrboda.


3. SONG LYRICS

This usually involves a song coming into my head for no reason, that I haven't heard or thought about in years, with total recall of the lyrics, which are very persistent.  This is almost always precognitive.  Another incidence is the "random Divine message", where I will pray and a song will come on spontaneously, usually with a stereo being "accidentally" activated, to play a song where the lyrics are uncannily accurate of the Deity's feelings about a situation I'm in.  This happened a lot just before I married Frey in 2004.


4. "TELL MY STORY"

This is when a Deity will persistently show up and ask that a part of Their Lore, hinted at by the Eddas/Sagas or lost altogether, is told through me.  I will go into a trance state to connect with the Deity and do something akin to automatic writing to get Their story written out, which is then shown to selective others to see if it corroborates or not.  (Thus far, all of these have had corroboration.)


5. NATURAL PHENOMENON

This happens usually if I'm taking a nature walk and inviting a Deity to go with me (usually Frey, or Sigyn), or I'm out in a place of nature doing a faining, for example, the beach. 

In the first instance, I often see "signs" such as bluebirds or baby animals (for hope), and sometimes rune-like carvings in tree trunks or rocks.  This is often a form of indirect guidance on a current situation.

In the second instance, I've been surprised with waves crashing over me with full force when I pour my offerings in the ocean, or laying an offering on the ground for animals (especially crows/ravens) to come right over and nibble at it.  This is usually a sign of whether or not an offering is accepted.


6. INTERFERENCE/INTERVENTION

I also jokingly refer to this as, "When the Deities Are Far Too Interested in Your Life for Your Own Good".

As mentioned above, I had precognition given directly from Odin, Frey, and Freyja about my move from Connecticut to California, and things to be Done here.  I also believe this was direct intervention, as I was very down on my luck in 2006 and would have likely become homeless.  I believe the Gods have also helped with my physical and mental health, as both things have improved since my move: I've gone from having unusable hands due to tremors, to being able to sculpt and bead again.  I've gone from not being able to speak at all, to having conversations and writing books.  I've gone from hopeless depression to a feeling of contentment -- not euphoria, not joy, but contentment.  Part of this change has been the natural result of a healthier living situation, part of it was also encountering certain Deities associated with health, most notably Mengloth and the nine maidens of Lyfja Mount, who taught me energy clearing/balancing techniques and what food and activities might be best for me.

One of the other times when I can't just dismiss things as being coincidence is when one summer afternoon, very dissatisfied with the living situation in my apartment complex, I made an offering to Frey and told Him if He got us a house, I would build Him a shrine and plant a garden in Gerda's honor.  Exactly one week to the day later, my other half's mom called and said, out of the blue, "I'm buying you a house."  I hadn't expected things to work that quickly, but less than a year after my "bargain" with Frey, I am now a homeowner.

These are examples of intervention, when a Deity directly "pushes and pulls Wyrd" in the right places to get things done, because clearly They can't work through you if you're dead.  This is in contrast with what I call God-interference, that is, when a Deity thinks "you're doing it wrong" and decides to either hinder actions They see as counter-productive, or remove "negative influences" outright.  This has been most notable with the Gods telling me that Asatru is not the place for me, and then I began noticing conflicts with other Asatruar, including nasty rumors spread about my person.  Smaller forms of interference have included throwing monkey wrenches into the routine of my "spare time", for example, not being able to use LiveJournal as much as I once did.  There's also "All Your Stuff Are Belong to Us Syndrome", where you go shopping and find a Deity or wight wanting something for Themselves, and a home being taken over by altars and/or trinkets to the Gods.  This can quickly get out of control if you let it, so the key is to develop a very firm understanding with your spirits, while still doing enough that it placates Them and stops Them from deciding further inteference might get your attention.

I would not say that every moment of my life is micro-managed by Team Norse, but They are particular as to how I conduct my business, if only because They have specific things in mind for me to do, nothing terribly objectionable to me, but some that could be seen as uncomfortable.


Overall, I've found I experience 1 and 3 the most, with frequent-but-lesser instances of 2 and 5, and 4 and 6 rarely but enough for it to be a consistent way the Deities manifest in my life.

Anyway, that is how I personally experience Deity.  Your mileage will definitely vary.  One of the most beautiful things about the Gods, in my opinion, is that They will reach you where you're at.  All They ask is that one be reasonably open -- certainly different individuals will have different levels of Deity communication, from it being rare or once-in-awhile, to on a regular basis.  But They are living Gods, and as such, there should be an understanding that They will not "go away" just because it's not convenient to talk with invisible Gods in the Age of Reason, and that They will communicate and interact with people as individuals, in the way those individuals can best relate.

(C) 2008 Sigrun Freyskona.