Oh, My Goddess!

As should be obvious to anyone who visits my website by now, I am a bio-female who is oathed primarily to Frey, a (very) male Deity.  While the number of female Pagans with male Deities is not small and is indeed growing, I have gotten some negative reactions on my choice, or rather, being chosen.

When I first discovered that there were religions other than the Abrahamic and Eastern faiths, whether pre-dating the Abrahamic influence in Europe or being a modern and more eclectic way of being, I was initially attracted to Paganism because it saw the Divine as being both male and female.  I was taught to perceive the Christian God as being a Father, Son, and (male) Holy Ghost, and that because God was a man, women were generally not allowed to be pastors or priests, no matter how "in tune" they were.  I liked the various forms of Paganism putting emphasis on a female Divinity, whether "the Goddess" of Wicca or multiple Goddesses of pre-Christian, tribal beliefs.  I also liked how strong these Goddesses were, worthy of reverence in Their own right.

The first Pagan Deity I ever really connected with was Freyja, who came off as both desirably sexual and competent with taking names and kicking ass.  She was equal parts nurturer and devourer, and She taught me to use magick and trust my intuition.  Not long afterwards, I connected with Odin, who was Her "best seidhr student".  While I had been afraid of YHWH and even bitter, Odin was a God who revered women -- who learned wisdom from Goddesses, and enjoyed Their sexual freedom.  Odin was not demanding my submission, but challenged me to think for myself, and grow in power.

Later on down the road I was introduced to Frey, by Freyja Herself, a God I had avoided thinking Him to be not important or at best a watered down version of the archetypal Green Man/Horned God.  I was totally wrong, and of course it didn't take long for me to fall in love with Him, seeing the gentle but strong masculinity that I had always wanted in a man, but hadn't been getting from previous relationships.  When I oathed to Frey as devotee and wife, I felt it was right... more right than any decision I had made in my life.  But, just mentioning that I had taken Him as Patron seemed to attract the ire of both Pagan and Heathen friends alike.

My Neopagan Goddess-worshiper friends accused me of being "anti-feminist" and "selling out to the patriarchy".  Several members of the greater Heathen community made remarks as to how "Frey has nothing to offer you" and that I should "oath to Frigga or Freyja as befits a proper Heathen woman".

As far as the first group, for the most part I agree that some women do need women's space to honor the Goddess/es and their female selves.  However, this is not true of all women and to make assumptions about what *all* women need is not very feminist.  Moreover, having been in a few women's circles in the past, I can say that what is a good idea in practice all too often unfortunately becomes toxic with some groups (I didn't say "all", I said "some".) : 

-Some groups are very hostile to those who are not gender-normative, holding "pamper the Goddess within" nights with makeovers and stinky perfume, often basing the evening's discussion on an article from the latest Cosmo mag.  I personally don't like makeup, am allergic to most perfume, and find this sort of "feminist" discussion to be asinine.

-Some groups are very hostile towards men and women who have male friends or male intimates, and while I can understand the pain and the rage accumulated from traumatic events, to insist that women are inherently superior is just as bad as any attitude from "the Evil Patriarchy (TM)", especially when it bashes those who would otherwise support us.  This paradigm is usually based on bad history: the theory of "the Great Mother Goddess cult" that was overthrown by "the Evil Patriarchy (TM)" during "the Burning Times" and that "rape and murder did not exist among the Goddess peoples".  These tend to be the same women who say that "in a world run by women, there would be no war" to which I say BULLSHIT: there would be no war until two women had a disagreement of some sort, even assuming this was in a world with no men whatsoever (which would be genetically disastrous).  We have the potential to be just as ruthless and violent as men, but are conditioned not to.  And if you think I'm lying, you have yet to see a mother boar protect her sounder of piglets, or an Alpha Female wolf bitch-slap the other female wolves into submission.  We are glorified apes, and are more primal than we care to think, even when spouting delusions of "enlightenment" and "superiority".

-There are other groups that may lack the trappings of gender-normality and hatred of men, but will call a member "sister" to her face and then make catty gossip about her when she's not there, including about her weight, clothing, and lifestyle choices -- things that we are supposedly "above" as being more "inherently spiritual".

Again -- to a large degree I support the existence of women's groups and think that Goddess worship can be healing for women who felt unfulfilled by a religious paradigm involving a Patriarch.  I have several friends who are studying the Lore of the Goddesses within the Northern tradition and have found great power and strength in working with these Goddesses; it even says in the Prose Edda the Asynjur are just as high (powerful and worthy of reverence) as the Aesir.   I fully support these efforts, and I've been known to honor a few Goddesses in my home.

My problem comes when groups assume that all women should worship Goddess/es only or predominantly and pigeonhole women into a gender-normative way of embracing the Divine Feminine.  Beyond it being sexist to assume what works for one woman should work for all, it is also offensively reducing both the woman and the Goddess to biology and not taking into account that we are more than just our biology.  Freyja is more than breasts and a vagina, no matter how sexual She is.  Frigga is more than the womb that gave birth to children.  For that matter, Thor is more than just muscles; Frey is more than His erect penis.  Each Deity is a complex set of personality characteristics and domain/s, and it gets more complex yet when you relate to shapeshifting Deities such as Loki and Odin.  If I feel more at peace -- more at home -- giving most of my time and attention to Frey, what harm is done?  Why is a woman "my sister" just by virtue of us having similar parts?  Why do those parts trump anything else no matter how much grief those parts may give me (example, PCOS making my period 8 days of hell each month)?  Why is Frey's loving care these past 4 years worth less than some Goddess I've never worked with?

As far as the Heathen criticism, Heathenry is still a very gender-normative religion.  There is not a lot of respect or place for feminine men or masculine women, and it's generally the expectation that if one is to have a fulltrui, their fulltrui will be of the corresponding gender.  (The exception to this seems to be women oathed to Odin, who on the whole are given less flak than women oathed to other male Deities within the Northern Tradition.  I didn't say "no flak", I said "less flak".  Odin is liminal enough that He gets away with it.)  I guess when Frey is reduced to a schlong and male fertility, it's easy to see Him as offering nothing to a female devotee, never mind that He has plenty of lessons to teach about ecological responsibility, personal integrity, diplomacy in dealings with others, inner peace, and living a good life and cultivating happiness.  Nope, I guess as a woman I would never have use for any of these things. 

The bullshit becomes more apparent when you find that I was told Freyja could teach me "feminine graces" (because, you know, kicking ass = perfectly froo-froo behavior) or that Frigga could teach me to "be a good wife" (because, you know, She never did anything without Odin's permission... *pretends to forget about the Langobards*).  I've nothing against worshipping Freyja and Frigga; I do so regularly.  And I do have a patron Goddess; I took Gerda as my patron in 2007 although She is one of the lesser-known-and-usually-forgotten Goddesses.  That being said, I honor my Gods because of Who They Are, not because They fit into Gender Variable X, Y, or Z.  To reduce Them to mere gender is to forget that most of Team Norse (never mind the other pantheons) engages in gender-transgressive behavior all the time.  Freyja is as tough as any man; Frigga Herself has a spine of steel and is just as cunning as Odin if not more.  I mentioned Odin being liminal and a shapechanger, rather like His blood-brother Loki who not only has changed into a female, but got pregnant in mare form by a stallion, birthing Sleipnir.  Thor cross-dressed in Freyja's stead.  It appears that Njord raised Frey and Freyja, rather than Nerthus, and His personality does seem to be the very gentle, nurturing "Mr. Mom" type.  Frey's priests at Uppsala were notoriously effeminate (probably gay/bi men).  Shall I go on?

If you want to fight sexism, start by cutting this shit out with I *should* worship "the Goddess" or "I'm selling out feminism" and that I *should* be "sisters" with some people who would just as soon stab me in the back because I'm not "their kind of feminist", whether it's because I don't go along with "girl power" as sexual objectification (trying to be pleasing to men under the guise of manipulating them, also see supposed "feminists" The Spice Girls) nor am I a misandrist who condones genocide (in hatred of anything masculine, exemplified by the SCUM Manifesto of years past).  If you want to fight sexism, stop looking at all men as himbos at best, rapists at worst, who as Pagans are either forced into the stereotype of the SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) of NeoWicca or the Macho Uber-Warrior found predominantly among Asatruar -- with no sane middle of healthy masculinity despite it being all over the place in the role models of our Gods and the myths of Their people.

For those of you who would say that Frey has nothing to offer me, or that Freyja has nothing to offer Her male devotees (yes, there are a few men I know who are devoted to Freyja: get over it) -- it's not up to you to play bouncer for the Gods and determine that a God can't choose someone as a particular follower/devotee because "Oops, wrong gender" especially when some people are not gender-normative and may even be third-gendered or transgendered, and in any case looking for a spirituality that accepts them, as is their right by virtue of being human people.  I've got news for you -- Frey called me, I didn't go after Him.  He called me because of who I am inside, not necessarily because I've got girl bits.  (I strongly suspect I would still be wed to Him even without those girl bits, but that's controversy for another time.)

I am more than just my biology... and the same goes for the Gods, and then some.

(C) 2008 Sigrun Freyskona.