The Beloved Dead

There is much ado made in the Northern Tradition about ancestor veneration.  There are many Heathens who believe the worship of one's ancestors, especially the Disir (mother's mothers), should even surpass the worship of the Gods.

While I agree that the dead should be remembered among the living, the concept of ancestor veneration is problematic for 21st century Westerners.  For one thing, it was easier to venerate one's ancestors in elder Heathen times when it was largely assumed that straw-dead (natural deaths) went to Hela, sea-dead went to Ran, and sword-dead (those slain in battle) went to Odin, and once in awhile some people would go to their fulltrui.  In very ancient Europe we have archaeological evidence of communal burial mounds, where a family or entire village would go upon death.  Individual burial mounds for individual dead bodies was a common practice among the Ertebolle/Funnelbeaker-era peoples who likely worshipped the Vanir, and after the Common Era it is noted that followers of Odin and Thor would almost always be cremated, whereas followers of Frey would still be buried.

 And now, too, a thing happened which seemed strange and new. No snow lodged on the south side of Thorgrim's howe, nor did it freeze there. And men guessed it was because Thorgrim had been so dear to Frey for his worship's sake that the god would not suffer the frost to come between them.

Gisla Saga, Chapter X.

Today, most Americans have ancestors who followed one of the Abrahamic faiths, and while some who passed on may be OK with Pagan and Heathen descendants honoring them, others may have an objection to this, even a strong one, not just for the descendant practicing a religion they would have found disagreeable in life, but for contacting them beyond the grave at all.

This is where I am at in terms of honoring my blood ancestors from the past 2-3 centuries.  In terms of the past 2-3 generations, I have fundamentalist Christian ancestors who perpetuated cycles of abuse on their children in the name of their God.  Before that, I come from a long line of very devout and strict Christians, who could well be branded "fundamentalists" by today's standards.  There is no doubt in my mind that the fundamentalism led to other fundamentalism, and my mother's generation was the first to start questioning the family religion and the affects it had on family life.

As a hard polytheist, I believe Hela is not the only Deity who takes care of the dead, and I don't assume that my ancestors are with Hela just because they have Northern blood.  I also think it is disrespectful to the beliefs they had in life, to assume such.  I formed this conclusion after years of trying to give offerings to my Disir and commune with Them, and feeling a "radio silence" and even coldness, until in mid-2006 I was finally told They didn't want that.  It was very hard for me, after getting an affirmative "go away", to hear from other Northern religionists how bad it was to not honor one's ancestors.  Sure, I could honor ancestors who lived 1000 years ago and may well have been Heathen and who would not in any case object to my veneration, but I have a feeling They have been recycled out again anyway, "born out of Hel" if you will.

In retrospect, I feel that those who were very close to their family in life, will likely not have such a hard time keeping those bonds after death, regardless of religious preference.  For example, my other half also has Christian ancestors, but had good relationships with aunts and uncles and grandparents who are passed on now, and we honor their memory, the lives they lived and legacies they left.  I believe the Afterlife Deities are kind enough to allow the dead to travel between worlds and paradigms until it is their time to be recycled out again.  I think a large part of my problem of connecting with my Disir came not so much from the religious difference itself, but perhaps Their desire to separate me from that awful Wyrd of fundamentalism and abuse, so the cycle could finally be broken.

I also know that you don't just have to honor your blood ancestral dead, to give honor to those who went before and maintain the connections between the worlds of the living and the dead.  I have two friends who died within the period of a year, who I give honor to as often as I can.  The first was a middle-aged disabled man named Jay who was very good to me in my mid-20s, calling me his "adopted daughter".  The second was my wonderful friend Michael, a beautiful gay man who committed suicide following his family's shame over an AIDS diagnosis.  These two presences are still around me, strong enough that the feelings of love and closeness extend beyond the grave.  It doesn't matter to me Where they are, Whose World they ended up in.  It just matters that they were worthwhile people in my life, and I loved them then, and I still love them now.  Knowing that I can light a candle and toast their memory at any time, and feed them on the Day of the Dead means a part of them is still with me, even after their bodies were retired.

To honor the dead is to honor their life, and the way their life impacted you.  A person does not have to be your blood relative, or even ever have known you in life, to have touched your world.  I never met Sveinbjorn Benteinsson but if I remember to raise a horn on the anniversary of his passing, I do.  The important thing is that the memories remain.  As it says in the Havamal:

Cattle die,
kindred die,
we ourselves also die;
but the fair fame
never dies
of him who has earned it.

Cattle die,
kindred die,
we ourselves also die;
but I know one thing
that never dies, -
judgement on each one dead.

Havamal, v. 76-77.

That your life was touched, even in a small way, means that person is worthy of remembrance.  To remember the dead is not just to honor them, their personality and the words said, the deeds done, the life lived, but to be aware that among the living, each life is worth something.  The Gods didn't make junk, and no matter how "low" someone's state is, there is always at least one good thing they have said or done, at least one positive trait in their personality.  There are many who are not very well off in life and would do better if the world stopped judging by mere appearances and looked to the inner self.  We need to lift each other up, not tear everybody else down.  Ballads may be for the very greatest and most noble of heroes, but every person is capable of being somebody's hero.

(C) 2008 Sigrun Freyskona.